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8/1/15 03:25 pm

My house

5/19/15 08:00 pm

roxanne and i are moving for july 1st.
a full, tiny home on tillman next to the lake.
it has a yard for garden, and a shed for my distiller/ canning etc.

it has a small cellar for bodies

it's been a month since i was in hospital.
a difficult month, a twisted year.
i am grateful.
i get my mri results this week?

roxanne is turning 30 this week.
i planned a big surprise party for her.
im blindfolding her and dressing her up as a grphyon
and everyone else will be dressed up as well.
i love her.

one month ago

5/1/15 09:38 pm

celery noise

3/1/12 03:00 pm

1/11/12 03:53 pm

"new jet ski"

10/2/11 11:05 am

back in ohio.
opening a salon and spa.
all natural.
all weird.

5/9/11 04:17 pm

bedroom always

5/8/11 12:11 am

it was my birthday 05-05. my sister sent me this jewelry from cleveland and it made me so warm inside to receive this mail present.
the shiny one is a strange future amulet from a secret shop and it has two sides like humans do.
she also got me a shirt that has a hologram applique of the taurus symbol. it is light blue.
i feel younger than i ever have.
i was adult all the years until now.
i feel love, now.

3/28/11 10:08 am

i had a dream last night that i was fighting with angels. i knew they were angels because i couldn't distinguish between male or female.
every time i thought about it this notion came to me, 'stop trying to decipher'.
but they just looked like very big humans.
there were also small dinosaurs running about the place and burrowing under the dirt floor of the strange room we were in.
by fighting i don't mean arguing.
i mean struggling with each other and tipping over furniture.
the angles stopped and just stood there
then turned to water. the water was hanging like it does in nasa videos of astronauts foolin around in their space shuttle.
i had the overall feeling that it was a good fight.
we weren't necessarily angry at each other but we were disagreeing about something.
i walked outside of the building and looked at it. it was very organic looking and very small with the feeling of an old cabin
hiding away in the mountains.
in fact, i looked up and i was definitely in the heart of a vast mountain where i couldn't see the bottom.
giant trees were everywhere and when i looked up i saw the grey/mauve peak of mountain.
all around me was magenta, green and indigo/purple SO SATURATED it confused me...
almost like... colored filters you put over a camera lens but it was so real.
one of the angles put a little blanket or shawl on me and went away. i was thinking, 'why did it give me this tiny blanket?!'
but then i realized i was very big, too.
i was having trouble trying to think back in the dream whether i was giant when i was fighting the angels or if i got bigger when i went outside.
i couldn't understand what to do or what was happening.

3/28/11 09:39 am

Heaven and earth are in contact and combine their influences, producing a time of universal flowering and prosperity. This stream of energy must be regulated by the ruler of men. It is done by a process of division. Thus men divide the uniform flow of time into the seasons, according to the succession of natural phenomena, and mark off infinite space by the points of the compass. In this way nature in its overwhelming profusion of phenomena is bounded and controlled. On the other hand, nature must be furthered in her productiveness. This is done by adjusting the products to the right time and the right place, which increases the natural yield. This controlling and furthering activity of man in his relation to nature is the work on nature that rewards him.

2/27/11 11:55 am

2/13/11 06:42 pm - the day

2/13/11 10:29 am - this is what today is. HANDS.

2/9/11 04:22 pm - cabin waa waa

i go to work.
i work all day.
i get picked up and go home; there is no public transportation. there is no spontaneity for me me me.
it is 8 degrees outside.
i work on painting and shirts.
i send letters to friends who never write back.
i make dinner and love my partner who is as depressed as i am.
i obsess over his poor health habits and worry a lot.
i hate this house. how did he ever survive growing up here?! it's unbearable.
cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry.
god, i'm pathetic. how can i get out of this selfish sadness?
i'm driving myself crazy!
i'm too old for this behavior, i should know better.
i guess i have to learn to drive.
agh, i don't want to, though- that means i'll end up driving everywhere- it means giving in to the way the world works.
i just want to live on land. and make my own food and have little tincture bottles and wear cotton.

1/30/11 08:44 pm

1/30/11 10:54 am

i want to eat either a lot of mexican food or a lot of indian food and drink the aromatic sauces down GULP.
this whole body cleanse has me sooo hungry. FIBER and spicy food?
the first few days spiked a few headaches and of course many trips to the ladies room.
now i'm just hungry all the time and pale.
so who knows if this is good or what?
once i heard someone talk about a 'third' place. there's your home your work and then that other place.
i don't have one of those right now.
although, my third place could be my room .
it's hard when i'm out in the suburbs with no public transportation and have to rely on matt to drive me to and from work.
a cab costs $15 one way.
and that's quite a price for the leisure/freedom of just being alone.
and the weather.
the temperature.
everything's nailing me in.
early February, Imbolc, start of spring.

1/23/11 04:14 pm


1/23/11 09:25 am

1/22/11 08:19 pm

i bought this full body cleanse i'm looking forward to getting in the mail. then it will flush the small particles of cancer away and the poisons from the big city of chicago will scream their way out of every tight pore on my pale body.
$500 paycheck. now, to save up for the vinyl which will cost $1200.
THEN save up to move somewhere else, please.
i have to get outta here, fuck.
quiet, dark home in the nowhere with trees, please. PLEASE.
this week's full moon was a bit wonky. my mom uses 'wonky' all the time. maybe all people who have had brain surgery do.
i want to be wrapped up in a big blanket and hugged. it's 1 degree outside right now.

1/18/11 04:54 pm - Frankie Rose is successful and overrated

i made weird cookies
have you?
i miss home
i keep having these dreams with/about dinosaurs. i'm observing them. i'm excited by them. in one dream (last night) i'm wading in the ocean and i monitor a pterosaur swooping above me. and the thing is- i'm in my body in these dreams which is rare. usually, i'm viewing myself experiencing my dream.no work tomorrow.
work on sasquatch tshirt for jon.
early morning gem arranging
frankincense burning
male power of creation, desire.
ability to make things by saying them outloud
invention. NEW IDEAS next card.
earth, young
message of love/ heartbreak reflection- creating something that brings patronage. positive therapy.
families celebrating weddings, conclusion in plenty, sacrifice and prophecy.
examination(know it all)
making real a business.
travel to water, dreamer invitation- marriage. depression and loyalty.
hierophant is taurus
creating harmony is the midst of crisis
wise and soothing at best.
bring it down.
female sadness spreading news.
swelling of love.
do not be confrontational
freedom of speech
travel by air
creative answers
a house
karmic payback
high ideals.

1/17/11 08:36 am

enter a cloud and bleed from the nose.

1/13/11 05:18 pm

need black clothes

1/11/11 10:14 am

real fun!
video chat with roxanne, alicia, fuzzy, george by voice and kind of alex.
last night.
2 golden lit hours.
did a shot with rox and alicia and fuzz through ether then got tired.
off last wednesday but working ever since and all through this week into next week.
work work work work work work work but i love it.work work work work work work work but i love it.work work work work work work work but i love it.work work work work work work work but i love it.work work work work work work work but i love it.work work work work work work work but i love it.

1/5/11 06:31 pm


1/4/11 10:50 pm


1/2/11 03:00 pm

and i miss ryan and i miss making music with ryan.
even though cleveland and chicago are both the "MID WEST" and only 6 hours away from each other, i feel that there is a gritty, embarrassing, dark ... quality to the land of cleves that produces absurdity and therefore, people i can make music like MOTHER BUTTON with.

1/2/11 12:20 am

1930orb.virb.com started with strength.

1/1/11 01:01 am

create in myself what i expect of others.

12/31/10 07:56 pm - ADULT

but i didn't have to work all week anyway, so it works out?
AND then i work 6 days this week and next week, so it works out?
on another In Search Of... super fucking kick
there's ice behind my eyes and sand pouring slowly out my legs
starting from my kneecaps and down.
i went back home to cleveland for xmaz time.

you don't know anything about this blank until you leave so blank, it all works out.
all ma friends are buying houses. detroit shoreway, old brooklyn represent, zoo area
if you have a $2 bill you can buy this house.
human kennel human kernel krispy kernel human colonel of krisp kernels hanging out on the stoop
we went down broadview near valley road and that kfc was gone. i think it was there for a long long time-
i remember my older brother walking there with his elementary school friends so... 20 years...?!
be rash die sooner get a rash live a little longer, kfc
i want to die every morning.
go to school go back to school anthropology look at waste figure out waste figure out why big foot
i have to watch the price is right every morning or i get itchy and rashy trying to figure out who deserves to win or not.
i love matt.
sick at 'home'. matt is working a dj job at medieval times.
he's sick, too.
we are sick.

12/17/10 12:40 pm

she has it at her feet,
gauzy adornments suggest
a full and strange experience. cups filled with flowers
accost the cramped space where she no longer receives.
at her feet the veils are pulled out, a helicopter passes over.
she falls down.

the sweetness and love in my body is a rose gold ring and it hangs silently and warm.
and in the center of the ring is an invisible hive, floating as a melting iceberg does
melting towards disaster.

12/16/10 05:50 pm

enter a cloud and bleed from the nose.
the animals opened up the site. tell him to enter.
cry cry cry cry
cry cry cry cry
cry cry cry cry
cry cry cry cry
cry cry cry cry
cry cry cry cry
cry cry cry cry
extend your beams and bend deeply.
spade your crown.
fold into the chill and stiff of tonight's quarter moon fortune.
i live alone but i'm never alone.

12/9/10 09:36 am

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